This section is from the book "Hill's Manual Of Social And Business Forms: A Guide To Correct Writing", by Thos. E. Hill. Also available from Amazon: Hill's Manual Of Social And Business Forms: The How-To-Do-Everything Book Of Victorian America.
Ladies and Gentlemen : An occasion like this is eminently calculated for the reception of congratulations. Here are two hearts that have beat as one full five years without desiring to be two again. Five years! Ask them how long it seems, and they will tell you - five months ! Fortunately the calendar attests the truth of the record, and if any further proof is necessary, we offer in evidence their three curly-headed children, the largest four years old.
Why this should be called a wooden wedding I don't know. None of us is willing to confess being a blockhead, and it would be dangerous to insinuate that our excellent host and hostess are either sappy or wooden-headed, gnarly or knotty in disposition, or inclined to leave. Why, then, this array of washtubs, washboards, pails, clothespins, rolling-pins, potato-mashers and pudding-sticks? All are useful in their way, especially the rolling-pins and potato-mashers (in case of domestic war), and I have read of one woman, whose husband neglected to provide sufficient firewood for the kitchen, who bought and burned about a hundred and fifty dozen clothes-pins for cooking purposes. But she was a rare exception. Our hostess is better treated than that.
Well, I suppose wood has its uses as well as everything else, and if on this occasion it tends to unite in warmer friendship our host and hostess and their guests, it serves a good purpose, and leads us to look forward with hope and satisfaction to the next important anniversary of their married life - the tin wedding of five years hence. May we all be there!