Chapter XXXII (Apotheosis Of Honest Labor) (Apotheosis Of Honest Labor). Apotheosis Of Honest Labor - Gorgeous Ceremonies. - Beautiful Unanimity Of The Mutually Inimical Fleas Around The Throne. - End Of Bamboozle No. 1, - An Awful Find. - King Honest Labor Dead ; Which Shows That Plenty To Eat Is Better Than To Be A Sham King.

WONDERFUL thing now happened. Exactly how it happened was a secret known only to the Bamboozling Committee and some of their intimates; but just as the delirium of the dogs' joy was at its height, the whole assembly of the fleas arose as by one simultaneous impulse and cried: "Long live Honest Labor, son of Lowly Toil! He shall be our King. Bring forth the Royal Diadem and crown him Lord of all."

And suddenly, beneath the great Flag of the Free, a great and gorgeous throne was set; and the Bamboozling Committee, gathering around and making genuflexion to poor Honest Labor - whose head by this time had grown to an enormous size - led him with every sign of homage and adoration, and amid the de-lighted admiration of the dogs, to the throne, and set him therein. And when he was set, a lot of the wealthy, eminent and Monstrous Fleas, headed by Grandadhat and Dephool Flea, ranged themselves up as a bodyguard of worshippers on either side of him; and another lot, headed by Bunkum Mak Tinley, fell at his feet as Homage Renderers. And Grandadhat, making a sign to the vast multitude of dogs, ostentatiously kissed him on the nose and on the right ear; and Dephool Flea, making another sign to the multitude, ostentatiously kissed him on the nose and on the left ear; and Mak Tinley, on behalf of the Homage Renderers generally, and on his own behalf particularly, kissed him on the feet; and all three, turning dramatically to the dogs, cried : "Behold our King!"

And all the assembled fleas cried out in chorus: " God save the King!"

Then cried aloud Dephool Flea: "The Royal Diadem, the Royal Diadem! Bring it forth, and crown him Lord of all."

Then there stepped forth a very large flea, Grover Ponderous Flea by name, bearing a gorgeous looking regalia - a robe, a sceptre and a crown of very large diameter - followed by two small satellite fleas, named, the one Rosy Pretty Flower, the other Pennzy Pattyson, bearing between them a ponderous bowl filled to the brim with some golden liquid, around which flies buzzed. Whereupon all the dogs gave a great howl of delight, for they seemed to know them.

"Hurrah!" they cried, "for Grover Ponderous Flea, the new Nighunto; the tried and trusty friend and worshipper of Honest Labor. Hurrah! Hurrah!! Hurrah!!!"

And Grover Ponderous Flea, bowing graciously to the dogs, and smiling knowingly to the fleas, advanced to the throne, and lifting up his eyes to the Flag, thus addressed the occupant:

"Ob Honest Labor, whose very name is hallowed, hail! All bail! In this Land of the Free, whose very air is instantaneously deadly poison to tyranny and kings of the ancient sort, we, God's own freeborn, have learned that there is nothing truly noble but that which Nature has patented; that nothing deserves to reign but that which Nature has crowned King. Our fathers, the prophets, who gave us our Liberty and our Flag, taught us, and we, their children, have learned that Honest Labor is the Creator of all Wealth, our guide, preserver and friend, the Prop of our Republic, without whose support the bottom would fall out, and therefore the only true, rightful, Natnre-ordained king, the only right sort of a king to reign over US, the finest race of dogs and fleas that God in his wonderful wisdom ever created. "Therefore, in the name of all these dogs assembled here, and all the fleas, whose loyalty I voice, I invest thy sacred and large head, oh, Honest Labor, with this crown of large diameter. Thou art our Lord; thou art our King. We worship thee. We love thy dirty paws. We love thy smell. We proudly point to thine ungroomed and unwashen hide, for they are the insignia of thine inherent glory. Henceforth thou art our Lord, our god and King, and we thine ever-obedient subjects." And with that he put the robe upon him, and put the sceptre in his right paw, and retired backward from the Royal Presence.

Then cried Dephool Flea again: "Bring forth the Royal Taffy Bowl and feed him royally full."

Then did Grover Ponderous Flea advance again, this time preceded by his satellites, Rosy Pretty Flower and Pennzy Pat-tyson, bearing the ponderous bowl. He gave a sign, and all the Bamboozling Committee and a large number of fleas of all sorts. High Pressurists, Low Pressurists, Nighuntos and Faraways, smiling and smirking in most heavenly amicability upon one another, gathered around the Taffy Bowl.

Then Grover Ponderous Flea called upon Tee de Little Wit Blatherskite to say grace over the mess - which he did in his most blatherskitish and perfervid manner - and then lifting up his eyes to heaven, he muttered over it some words of a strange lingo, which none but the most learned of the Bamboozling Committee understood. Some said he was enraptured, and was in a trance, and was conver sing with spirits who spoke a dialect of that part of heaven called Sherrycoblerland, which he understood. Some said it was not so; he was praying, which nobody there at all understood. But some very knowing fleas said Grover Ponderous Flea was a Great High Priest and had the gift of Transubstantiation, and was really muttering the Sacred Words over the Taffy, which transformed it into the real body and blood of the Everblessed Truth and Verity. Be it as it may, these were the words:

"There is one important aspect of the subject which especially should never be overlooked, at times like the present; when the evils of unsound finance threaten us, the speculator may anticipate a harvest gathered from the misfortune of others, the capitalist may protect himself by hoarding, or may even find profit in the fluctuation of values, but the wage earner - the first to be injured by a depreciated currency, and the last to receive the benefit of its correction - is practically defenceless. He relies for work upon the ventures of confident and contented capital; this failing him, his condition is without alleviation, for he can neither prey on the misfortunes of others, nor hoard his labor. One of the greatest statesmen our country has known, speaking more than fifty years ago, when a derangement of the currency had caused commercial distress, said: The very man of all others who has the deepest interest in a sound currency and who suffers most by mischievous legislation in money matters, is the man who earns his daily bread by his daily toil.' These words are as pertinent now as the day they were uttered, and ought to impressively remind us that a failure of the discharge of our duties at this time must especially injure those of our countrymen who labor, and who, because of their number and condition, are entitled to the most watchful care of their government.'