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An old bachelor says that he is delighted at having been called "honey" by the girl he loves, because she saluted him at their last meeting as old "Bees-wax!"

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A Cuban physician having been robbed to a serious extent in his tobacco-works, discovered the thief by the following ingenious artifice. Having called his negro slaves together, he addressed them thus: - "My friends, the Great Spirit appeared to me during the night, and told me that the person who stole my money should, at this instant - this very instant - have a parrot's feather at the point of his nose." On this announcement, the thief, anxious to find out if his guilt had declared itself, put his finger to his nose. "Man," cried the master instantly, "'tis thou who hast robbed me. The Great Spirit has just told me so."

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In a party of ladies, on its being reported that a Captain Silk had arrived in town, they exclaimed, with one exception, "What a name for a soldier!" "The fittest name in the world for a Captain," rejoined the witty one; "for silk can never be worsted."

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A venerable lady of a celebrated physician, one day casting her eye out of the window, observed her husband in the funeral procession of one of his patients, at which she exclaimed: "I do wish my husband would keep away from such processions; it appears too much like a tailor carrying home his work."

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Sir Thomas Overbury says that the man who has nothing to boast of but his illustrious ancestors, is like a potato - the only good thing belonging to him is under ground.

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There are a good many people in the world who spend half their time in thinking what they would do if they were rich, and the other half in conjecturing what they shall do as they are not.

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Bemus asked Jemima, a few days since, if she had seen her vegetable friend? "My vegetable friend! who's that?" Why, the young man I met with you yesterday! who has carrotty hair, reddish whiskers, a turn-up nose, and is full of capers."

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A scientific youth has discovered the cause of the potato disease. He ascribes it to the rot-tator-y movement!

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The following is a copy of an excuse recently handed in to a schoolmaster for the non-attendance of one of his scholars: "Cepatomtogoataturing." - Kept at home to go a-taturing!

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The quantity of water consumed daily in London is equal to the contents of a lake fifty acres in extent, and of a mean depth of three feet. This quantity is by no means proportionate to the great and growing wants of the population. According to the last returns, there were seventy thousand houses without any supply whatever.