A Novel Way To Clean A Watch

"I cannot conceive, my dear, what's the matter with my watch: I think it must want cleaning," exclaimed an indulgent husband to his better half, the other day. "No, pa," said his petted daughter, "I know it don't want cleaning, because baby and I washed it in the basin ever so long this morning."

A Matter of Taste

There is a charming tit-bit in the quaint history of "Hop o' my Thumb," which is not to be matched in literature of higher pretensions. During the parley with the Ogre's wife, the hero says, as spokesman for his brother, "If you do not give us a night's lodging, it is quite certain that the wolves in the forest will devour us, and sooner than that, we would prefer to be eaten by the gentleman of the house."

Oriental Justice

A person having a bag of coin stolen from his house, complained to the Cadi, who ordered all the people of the house before him. Giving each a piece of stick, all of equal lengths, he said, "whoever is the thief, his stick will be a finger's breadth longer than the rest." The thief, alarmed, cut a finger's breadth off his stick; and next day, when they were summoned by the Cadi to produce their sticks, he was thus detected.

Force Of Habit

Sir Walter Scott says: "There was a boy in my class at school, who stood always at the top; nor could I with all my efforts supplant him. Day passed after day, and still he kept his place, do what I would. At length I observed that when a question was asked him, he always fumbled with his fingers at a particular button in the lower part of his waistcoat. To remove that button, therefore, became expedient in my eye; and in an evil moment, it was cut off. Great was my anxiety to know the success of my measure; and it succeeded only too well. When the boy was again questioned, his fingers sought again for the button, but it was not to be found. In his distress he looked down for it; it was to be seen no more than to be felt. He stood confounded, and I "took him down."

A Sad Case

We were visiting at the house of a friend, where there were a number of young children. One of them had the measles, one the hooping cough. They were all receiving the greatest sympathy and attention, while one little girl, about five years old, sat in the corner, crying bitterly. We asked her what was the matter? She replied, bursting out into a heart-breaking gush of tears. " Every one has got the measles and hooping cough, and I ain't got nothing, boo! hoo hoo!"

A Test Of Courage

Henry IV. of France, reading an ostentatious inscription on the monument of a Spanish officer, "Here lies the body of Don, etc., etc., who never knew what fear was." "Then," said the king, "he never snuffed a candle with his fingers."

A Cutting Rebuke

A clergyman had two daughters who were much too fond of dress, which was a great grief to him. He had often reproved them in vain; and preaching one Sunday on the sin of pride, he took occasion to notice, among other things, pride in dress. After speaking some considerable time on this subject, he suddenly stopped short and said, with much feeling and expression, "But you will say, look at home. My good friends I do look at home till my heart aches."

A Hero

"Well, my good fellow," said a victorious general to a favorite soldier after a battle, "and what did you do to help us to gain this victory?" "Do, may it please your honor, why I walked bouldly up to one of the inimy and cut off his foot." "Cut off his foot! Why didn't you cut off his head?" "Ah, an' faith, your honor, that was off already."

Two Sorts Of Trials

"Ah, Sam, so you've been in trouble, eh?" "Yes, Jem, yes." " Well, well, cheer up, man; adversity tries us, and shows up our better qualities." "Ah, but adversity didn't try me - it was an Old Bailey judge, and he showed up my worst qualities."

The Royal Dardanelles

A young man who had travelled much, thought he could give as truth every thing that passed through his head. Once, as he boasted having seen all the crowned heads of Europe, somebody asked him: "Have you seen the Dardanelles too?" The boaster, thinking that they were some princes that bore that name, replied, "Of course I have seen them, since I dined several times with them."

Superficial Knowledge

The profoundly wise do not declaim against superficial knowledge in others, so much as the profoundly ignorant. On the contrary, they would rather assist it with their advice, than overwhelm it with their contempt; for they know that there was a period when even a Bacon or a Newton were superficial - and that he who has a little knowledge, is far more likely to get more than he that has none.

A Bright Idea

When the British entered Lucknow, the Highlanders' piper, who had lost his way, suddenly found one of the enemy's cavalry, sabre in hand, about to cut him down. His rifle had been fired off, and he had no time to raise his bayonet. "A bright idea," said he afterward, when relating the story, "struck me; all at once I seized my bag-pipes and gave forth a shrill tone, which so startled the fellow that he bolted like a shot, evi-dentty imagining it was some infernal machine. My pipes saved my life."

How An Old Lady Secured Good Puddings

An old gentlewoman, who lived almost entirely on puddings, told us it was a long time before she could get them made uniformly good, till she made the following rule: If the pudding was good, she let the cook have the remainder of it; if it was not, she gave it to her lap-dog. But as soon as this resolution was known, poor little Bow-wow seldom got the sweet treat after.

Good Jam

Crowd ten fashionably-dressed ladies into one stage coach.

The Art Of Shopping

"What's the price of this article?" inquired a deaf old lady. "Seven shillings," said the draper. "Seventeen shillings!" she exclaimed; "I'll give you thirteen." "Seven shillings," replied the honest tradesman, "is the price of the article." "Oh! seven shillings," the lady retorted; "I'll give you .five." 20