Areas Of Focus

Each chapter focuses on a specific area in observation and work. I suggest that you follow them in sequence, going through one per session. This may make you aware of what areas call for further work, and you can return to them in subsequent sessions as much as you wish.

In discussing each area of exploration I am writing for the guide. It is for the guide to direct the explorer's attention to different parts of the body, to keep the explorer in contact, to make suggestions or ask questions. Not that the explorer should not ask questions or state perceptions. But if the explorer talks a lot, or guides the proceedings, he or she is able to retain too much control over events whereas the idea is to work toward involuntary movement and surrender. This requires trust but you are, as emphasized in the guidelines above, free to stop at any time.

Moments of mistrust or anxiety will almost certainly occur for the explorer. These can be expressed and discussed. But a general mistrust toward the partner as a guide is an indication that it is best not to do this work together.

Finally, I suggest that both of you read the whole book before embarking on the work. It will not spoil the exploration process to have some sense of where it is going, and reading the whole book is a necessary test to your trust in the procedures.

Final Caution

The explorations suggested in this book may lead to an emotional contact which makes the explorer very vulnerable. The emphasis in all this work is on expression, not content. For example, if a person cries, the work aims to deepen the crying; it does not seek the reasons for the tears. This may be shared afterwards if the person feels like it but there must be no pressure to share information.

Even the best marriages often contain a tacit understanding that certain areas of individual experience, past or present, will not be explored. Partners are not twins, nor has their experience of life been identical. We all contain elements which might disturb our partner but which we put aside in the joy of the union of those elements we do share. This work must respect secrets, as already stated, and it must respect the integrity that is the wholeness of each person.

Often one partner has become, by unconscious agreement, a kind of guardian of the secrets of the marriage, the one who remains aware of the dangers of too much openness. If you are this partner, keep in mind that this work puts no obligation on you to reveal too much. If you find yourself emotionally transported but anxious about what you might say, do not hesitate to take refuge in silence. You should not begin this work, in which you might be carried away on waves of intense emotion, unless both of you have agreed to respect each other's silence.

You must both be prepared to use your judgement and intuition in handling whatever issues this work brings up. Remember, though, that its focus is not on bringing up issues, but on knowing each other emotionally. Not that this will ever eliminate miracle and surprise.

Schedule Of Explorations

You may of course read this book and decide not to do any of the explorations. If so, you are probably following your instincts for what is best for you. Perhaps you will get something out of reading the book anyway.

If you decide to tackle the whole series of explorations, please do them in the order I suggest. You can stop if they make you uncomfortable. But do not stop at one stage, then skip ahead to try another.

It is possible to do the series one session per chapter. This may seem like a lot, especially for chapter 6 on movement and blocks. But you can run through all the steps in not much more than an hour. To help in this, chapter 10 provides summaries of explorations corresponding to those given in detail in chapters two, three, five and six. The guide can work with the book open beside him or her and read the instructions in block letters. But please do not do this unless you have read the more detailed explanations in the main body of the book.

Once you have gone through the explorations, feel free to do them again in any order you wish—so long as you both agree. Or you may decide that the experience of going through them once only has been enough.

Finally, I hope that not only do you learn something and come to know each other better through these explorations, but that you will also enjoy them. It can be a pleasure to let even harsh emotions of anger, fear or grief come through and to share them with the person you love.