Present Active I show Thou judgest He gets first prize She protests We make a row Ye get into hot water They complain to the Secretary It (the dog) has a fit

Present Imperfect

I am showing Thou art winning He is a scoundrel She is disgusted

We are writing to our solicitors Ye are swindlers They are at daggers drawn It (the hotel bill) is scandalous

Present Perfect Continuous

I have been showing

Thou hast given the judge a black eye

He has gone to the Kennel Club

She has been quarrelling

We have been fools

Ye have made a hash of it

They have called us names

It has been a pandemonium

Past Unpleasant

I waited (to show in my class)

You stole his customer

He swore

She trod on its tail

We both claimed the same dog

Ye looked on

They lodged an objection

It barked incessantly

Retrospective Unsatisfactory

I have shown (and lost)

Thou hast gone without lunch

He has mislaid his catalogue

She has been caught without a ticket

We have run short of cash

Ye have caught cold

They have lost their last train home

It has not been a success

Future Pessimistic

I shall certainly arrive too late

Thou shalt make matters worse

He shall make a scene (unless I am much mistaken)

She shall apologize (N. B. - but she won't)

We shall miss our class

Ye shall call a committee meeting

They shall do nothing (as usual)

It will get distemper (of course)

Future Improbable

I may give up showing

Thou mayest regret it

He may be a Champion

She may agree with us

We may pay them out

Ye may go to Jericho

They may resign

It may be a blessing in disguise

Present Unsatisfactory

I have shown the wrong dog

Thou hast got my number

He has revoked

She has lost her temper

We have quarrelled

Ye have interfered

They have sent for the police

It has all come to nothing

Suppositious If I should win If thou shouldst lose If he should be fair If she should be polite If we should get a bargain If ye should be honest If they should have a sense of humour If only we hadn't come

Future Defiant

I shall not show any more

Thou shalt not have my pen

He shall not sit on my basket

She shall not take my chair

We shall never speak to each other again

Ye shall not get five hundred per cent

They shall not get the class re-judged

It shall not be poked by that woman's umbrella

Subjunctive Idealist

I might show and win

Thou mightest sell it cheap

He might not have an ulterior motive

She might offer us three figures

We might make a profit

Ye might be pleasant

They might act in good faith

It might be worse

Imperfect I was showing Thou wast hindering me He was drinking at the bar She was a nuisance They were making sarcastic remarks Ye were getting in the way We were driven distracted It was biting the ring steward

Unattainable Tense I show (25 dogs) Thou guaranteest all the classes He judges (with perfect knowledge and fairness) She wins everything (and quite right, too) We congratulate her

Ye give several 100 guinea cups to be won outright We all shake hands It is the Millennium

Imperative Show (thou) Try again Go on showing

The Verb "To show," Conjugated by the Dogs

Future I shall be shown Thou shalt be washing me He shall be in a hurry She shall have hysterics We shall be cross They (the whole house) shall be in an uproar

Present Exciting

I am being admired Thou art being brushed

He is combing my tail She is giving me a biscuit We are shut in a basket They are taking us by train

Cantankerous Puppy Tense

I shall not allow myself to be washed

Thou shalt not smuggle me in the train without paying for me

He shall examine my teeth at his peril

She shall not touch my tail on any consideration

We shall not catch the judges' eye if I can help it

Ye shall not stop my barking

They shall on no account know that I am sound

Obstructive

I shall sit down in the ring

Thou shalt coax me in vain

He might as well talk to the wind

She shall pull my head off, for all I care

We shall obstruct the traffic delightfully

Ye shall intimidate me to no purpose

They shall be kept waiting for hours

It will be great fun

Past (from the winner's standpoint)

I took First Prize (whatever that may be)

Thou wert astonished

He said I showed beautifully

She kissed me

We made quite a sensation

They were nowhere

Ye offered a whole heap of money

It was all published in the newspapers

Present (stormy) (from the other dog's point of view)

I think something has gone wrong

Thou art impossible to please

Master seems terribly put out

She has slapped me

We are dog tired

They are saying some one has been disqualified

It is a shame

N. B

I shall certainly bite something or somebody in another minute

General Reflections

Passengers arriving at low-level station, Crystal Palace "Excelsior!" Five minutes later, "Excelsior!" Ten minutes later, "still Excelsior!" The Winners - "Delightful show, this; come and see my dog." The Losers - "Go to blazes!"

The Judges - "Let us see if we can't slip out the back way." The Ring Stewards - "Stand back, ladies and gentlemen." The Gate Keeper - "Five shillings, please." The Secretary - "Don't let me hear another word." The Committee - "Another guinea! Your objection is frivolous." Chorus of Small Boys - "C'tlog - C'tlog." The Public - "Rotten show; did you ever see such judging! Let us come back to-morrow." Everybody together at 10 p.m. - "Let us go home, for goodness sake!"