Businessmen like value for money. Love and painting don't mix. No true artist ever loved anybody . . . except Landseer. La Vie de Boheme makes good reading and opera but, unless you have the digestion of a Spanish fly and the scrounging versatility of a Neapolitan urchin, leave it at that. When writing home for money don't mention money or Art . . . talk about "Success being round the corner," "Bottecelli's early struggles," and how you miss mother's cake and the old faces. If this doesn't work enclose cuttings from financial papers and underline rising markets in red ink - this shows potential business acumen of a high order. If you can do a line about a once famous musical comedy star of thirty years back dying in a garret . . . with glimpses of a faded beauty lit with a drink-dazed smile . . . the lights . . . the music . . . the applause . . . and now this . . . If you can do a line like this, do it; it's a winner, only make it sordid, or the old man may decide to come and attend to the matter himself; conscience is a fickle jade. If all else fails buy a plaster skull, place it on a square of black velvet for emphasis, and concentrate on getting to look like it. Before coma sets in leave a brave note blaming nobody but yourself, turn the gas on in the next room, and drop an aspidestra on the concierge's head. Use French phrases in the note - it shows you've got a Gallic soul. Remember, the average concierge takes fifteen minutes to get up five flights of stairs; if the aspidestra was a large one it may take him a week. But this should only be used as a last resort and should not be necessary if you move in the Right Circle.

Students and models relaxing at the Annual Photographic Soiree.

Students and models relaxing at the Annual Photographic Soiree, recently held at the Albert Hall. Highly technical meetings of this kind provide an invaluable link between the photographer and the model - serving, in a large measure, to break down barriers of reserve built up during working hours.

Finding the Right Circle to move in is an artist's first duty. It took Rossetti to turn Giotto's "O" into a circle. Never move in anything but a Circle, it isn't fashionable and, besides, there's an unangular completeness about a Circle that Polygons haven't got. Moving in Circles has all the fluid excitement of Intelligent Discussion; one knows that, sooner or later, and as inevitably as possible, one will get back to the point from which one started. The main thing is to have a few people in the Circle from whom one can pick up a little money every time one passes. Opportunism is the soul of la vie artistique .. . Montmartre puts a French polish on opportunism.

In Paris a little loose-living is expected, but don't overdo it. Some artists are too loose even for Lautrec. Discretion may be the bitter part of squalor, but without it one's squalor can easily make assommoir.

All the best puns are laboured. Work is man's most dignified pursuit next to painting - Ford Madox Brown recognised this. My great aunt Ophelia made seventeen hundred and eighty-three studies from a secondhand plaster cast of Apollo strumming his lyre; no one knows why she did this. She died a spinster, although she lost caste through studying too long under an energetic, but not very good, painter.

Never suck your brush when doing water-colours; most water-colours are poisonous. To tell whether a water-colour is poisonous, half close the eyes. Never suck your brush when using oil-colours, it is difficult to get the paint off the teeth. Aunt Ophelia always said that the reason why her teeth dropped out when she was nineteen was because of a misunderstanding - her art master did not say "arrange the colours on your palate before commencing to paint." Art is a jealous mistress. To tell whether an oil painting is poisonous, half close the eyes.

Art In Camera Continued UncleAlbertsManualOfPracticalPhotography 134