Mighty Niagara has already been harnessed to industry . . . the Transatlantic Cable has for years linked continents . . . and of these facts the Great British Public would seem to be both cognisant and appreciative. Is it not then surprising that a scientific discovery of mine - a discovery which will, I humbly prophesy, upset, within a very short space of time, most of our existing notions of Mechanics, Dynamics, Ballistics and Eurythmics - should remain practically unrecognised by contemporary (and if I may say so, self styled) leaders of scientific thought. But perhaps I am not being deliberately cold-shouldered; perhaps it is the sheer magnitude of my discoveries that makes its realization, even by experts, difficult. Who, indeed, would believe it possible that from the modest beginnings illustrated in Fig. 1, when, grasping a single Dotted-Line in my teeth I bounced an indiarubber ball on one end whilst lifting a sturdy letter A with the other, such amazing feats as those pictured in Figs. 2, 3, 4 and 5 could have developed. I suppose that, under the circumstances, even the Royal Society might be forgiven for being a little incredulous.

As is not infrequently the case the true direction of my endeavours was determined by chance rather than by rigid intention and it was not until I had broken three sets of teeth that I discarded this method. Changing the fulcrum to the top of my forehead it was not long before I was able to lift a steel-rule, two M's, two arrows, a P and a Q; using a radial arrangement of Dotted-Lines, as shown in Fig. 2.

I next removed the fulcrum to the left eyeball, and using a heavily tasselled smoking-cap as a counter balance I raised two cigarette cards horizontally in the air with hardly any strain at all on the neck. This is shown in Fig. 3 (the angular piece of tin merely serving to keep the sun out of my eyes).

Fired by the success of the preceding experiments I next used the right eyeball to project a series of Dotted-Lines through a glass prism and thus cut a lighted candle in half at three feet; the energy released being sufficient'to ignite the lower half almost immediately after decapitation. Notice the tensely suggestive attitude of the left hand in Fig. 4.

Even after these impressive examples, Fig. 5 comes as rather a shock - here, with the bridge of the nose as a fulcrum, we have no less than seven snooker balls, two billiard cues and a miscellaneous assortment of letters and figures supported on as complicated a system of Dotted-Lines as one could wish for.

Who can resist a slight feeling of "Apres ca, le deluge"?

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Fig. 1.

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Fig. 2.

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Fig. 3.

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Fig. 4.

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Fig. 5.

Appendix "D". Unpleasant Example Of Reproduction Without Registration

(Removed by Order of the Trustees.)

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