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The following instructions are said to have been given by Lord Palmerston to a Foreign Office Clerk, for answering a letter: "Tell him - 1st, we'll see; 2d, to use blacker ink; 3d, to round his letters; and 4th, that there is no h in exorbitant."

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Our time is short, and very uncertain; let our improvement therefore be as speedy and great as may be.

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The wise man feeleth his imperfections, and is humbled; he laboreth in vain for his own approbation; but the fool peepeth in the shallow stream of his own mind, and is pleased with the pebbles which he seeth at the bottom; he bringeth them up, and showeth them as pearls; and with the applause of his brethren delighteth he himself.

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When lukewarm, add two eggs well beaten, and a little salt. Grease your pans well, make a thin cake, let it stand two hours to rise; after it is light, bake in a slow oven.

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When the fatherless call upon thee, when the widow's heart is sunk, and she imploreth thy assistance with tears of sorrow, 0 pity her affliction, and extend thy hand to those who have none to help them.

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Some people, however, add to it either shalot or garlic. It can hardly be ready in less than six months, but will keep for many years.

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Some persons like tripe boiled plainly in water, and served with onion sauce and mustard.

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How many a man by throwing himself to the ground in despair, destroys forever a thousand flowers of hope that were ready to spring up along his pathway.

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Men often talk of the humbleness of their origin when they are really ashamed of it, though vain of the talent that enabled them to emerge from it.

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The purest, coldest maxims are poured down on us from pulpits, and authors, like flakes of snow; but fast as they fall they do not prevent the volcano of our passions from burning.

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The following story is told of a Yankee captain and his mate: - Whenever there was a plum pudding made by the captain's orders, all the plums were put into one end of it, and that placed next the captain, who after helping himself, passed it to the mate, who never found any plums in any part of it. After this game had been played for some time, the mate prevailed on the steward to place the suet-end next to the captain, who no sooner perceived the alteration than picking up the dish, and turning it round, as if to examine the china, he said, "This cost me two shillings in Liverpool," and putting it down as if without design, with the plum-end next to himself. "Is it possible?" said the mate, taking up the dish. "I shouldn't suppose it was worth more than a shilling;" and, as if in perfect innocence, he put it down the contrary way. The captain looked at the mate; the mate looked at the captain, and both laughed. "I'll tell you what, young'n," said the captain, "you've found me out; so we'll just cut the pudding lengthwise this time, and have the plums fairly distributed hereafter."

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Yet be not puffed up in thine own conceit, neither boast of superior understanding; the dearest of human knowledge is but blindness and folly.

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Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength; and strength is not used rightly when it only serves to carry a man above his fellows for his own solitary glory. He is the greatest whose strength carries up the most hearts by the attraction of his own.

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The reason why policemen are never run over is, they are never in the way.

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Consider how few things are worthy of anger, and thou wilt wonder that any fools should be wroth.

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A man in Lowell has, for many weeks past, been sadly afflicted with drowsiness, and a desire to sleep, even before the day has fairly closed. For a long time he was unable to discover the cause, but at last did so. He has been in the habit of eating eggs, fried, boiled, and raw, with his breakfast, and he conceives that they have so entered into his system, that it becomes necessary for him to retire when the hens go to roost. If it also has the effect of arousing him in the morning, when the hens begin to stir, the result would probably be beneficial. But of this there is some doubt.

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A young lady should often maintain a prudent reserve and silence in the presence of her lover; he will be certain to fancy her a great deal wiser than she can show herself by her talk.

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Master. - John, what is the meaning of "friable?" John. - Something to be fried.

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A gentleman, at one time a strong advocate of teetotalism, now a bottle manufacturer, was recently asked by an acquaintance how he could reconcile his former professions with his present practice. "Oh," was the reply, "when I started bottle making, to be consistent I also began to drink beer."

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An honest farmer was invited to attend a party at a village squire's one evening, where there was music, vocal and instrumental. On the following morning he met one of the guests, who said, "Well, farmer, how did you enjoy yourself last night? Were not the quartettes excellent?" "Why really, sir, I can't say," said he, "for I didn't taste 'em; but the pork chops were first-rate."

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Clutterbuck's story of the old lady (his aunt) is excellent. Being very nervous, she told Sir Walter Farquhar she thought Bath would do her good. "It's very odd," said Sir Walter, "but that's the very thing that I was going to recommend to you.

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I will write the particulars of your case to a very clever man there, in whose hands you will be well taken care of." The lady, furnished with the letter, set off, and on arriving at Newberry, feeling as usual very nervous, she said to her confidant, "Long as Sir Walter has attended me, he has never explained to me what ails me. I have a great mind to open his letter, and see what he has stated of my case to the Bath physician." In vain her friend represented to her the breach of confidence this would be. She opened the letter, and read, "Dear Davis, keep the old lady three weeks, and then send her back again."