Don't Judge By Appearances

Coleridge, being seated at dinner opposite to a silent gentleman with a high forehead, theorized himself into an exalted opinion of that person's intellectual powers. He was impatient to hear the stranger speak, feeling almost certain that, when he did, he would utter something profound and original. His wish was presently fulfilled. A dish of apple dumplings having been placed before them, the rigid features of the intellectual gentleman gradually relaxed from a smile to a grin - and rubbing his hand, he exclaimed, "Them's the jockeys for me!"

A Cool Retort

Henderson, the actor, was seldom known to be in a passion. When at Oxford, he was one day debating with a furious fellow-student, who threw a glass of wine in his face. Mr. Henderson coolly took out his handkerchief, wiped his face, and said, "That, sir, was a digression, now for the argument."

Definition Of Steam

"Pray, sir," said an old lady to a very pompous-looking old gentleman who was talking loudly about steam power, "Pray, sir, what is steam?" "Steam, ma'am, is, ah! - steam is - eh? ah! - steam is - steam!" "I knew that chap couldn't tell ye," said a rough-looking fellow standing by, "but steam is a bucket of water in a tremendous perspiration!"

Faults

As there are some faults that have been termed faults on the right side, so there are some errors that might be denominated errors on the safe side. Thus, we seldom regret having been too mild, too cautious, or too humble; but we often repent having been too violent, too precipitate, or too proud

A King's Speech

Charles II., asked Bishop Stillingfleet, how it happened that he generally preached without a book, but always read the sermons which he delivered before the court. The bishop asked in turn why he read his speeches in parliament. "Why, Doctor," replied his merry majesty. "I'll tell you candidly; I have asked them so often for money that I am ashamed to look them in the face."

Vice And Virtue

Those who have resources within themselves, who can dare to live alone, want friends the least, but, at the same time, best know how to prize them the most. But no company is far preferable to bad, because we are more apt to catch the vices of others than their virtues, as disease is far more contagious than health.

Pleasant Travelling

In Edinburgh resides Mr. C------, who is as huge, though not as witty as Falstaff. It is his custom when he travels to book two places, and thus to secure half of the inside of the coach to himself. He sent his servant the other clay to book him for Glasgow. The man returned with the following pleasing intelligence: "I've booked you, sir; but as there wern't two inside places left, I booked you one in and one out."

Ice In India

The method adopted by the Indians to obtain ice, is very ingenious. They dig pits in the ground about two feet deep, which they line with dried sugar canes or Indian corn. On this they place very shallow dishes, made of un-glazed and porous earthenware, and filled with soft water that has been boiled. Thus they are deposited in the evening, and in consequence of the evaporation from the outside of the dishes, a considerable portion of the water is found frozen next morning. The ice is collected before sunrise, and rammed into a cellar under ground, and lined with straw, where, owing to the accumulated cold, the ice freezes into a solid mass.

An Inquiry

"Father," said a little boy, the other day, " are not sailors very small men?" "No, my dear," replied the father, " pray, what leads you to suppose they are so small?." "Because," replied the child, "I read the other day of a sailor going to sleep in his watch."

Virtue Without Fear

When, upon mature deliberation, you are persuaded a thing is tit to be done, do it boldly; and do not affect privacy in it, or concern yourself at all, what impertinent censures or reflections the world will pass upon it. For if the thing be not just and innocent, it ought not to be attempted at all, though never so secretly. And if it be, you do very foolishly to stand in fear of those who will themselves do ill in censuring and condemning what you do well. - Epictetus.

Bad Writing

It is inexcusable in any one to write illegibly. When I was a schoolboy, I used to get hold of our writing-master's copies and trace them against the window; hence the plain hand I now write. When the great Lord Clive was in India his sisters sent him some handsome presents from England; and he informed them by letter that he had returned them an "elephant" (at least so they read the word). The announcement threw them into the utmost perplexity. - for what could they possibly do with the animal? The word meant was "equivalent."

A Thief Outwitted

A young Englishman, whilst at Naples, was introduced at an assembly of one of the first ladies by a Neapolitan gentleman. While he was there his snuff box was stolen from him. The next day, being at another house, he saw a person taking snuff. He ran to his friend - "There," said he, "that person in blue, with gold embroidery, is taking snuff out the box stolen from me yesterday. Do you know him? Is he not a sharper?" "Take care," said the other, "that is a gentleman of the first rank." "I don't care," said the Englishman, "I must have my snuff box again. I'll go and ask him for it." "Pray," said his friend, 37

"be quiet, and leave the matter to me." Upon this assurance, the Englishman went away after inviting his friend to dine with him next day. He accordingly came, and as he entered - "There," said he, "I have brought you your snuff box." "Well, how did you obtain it?" "Why," said the Neapolitan nobleman, "I did not wish to make any noise about it, so I picked his pocket."

Red-Tape Routine

By a singular regulation the government couriers in Austria are ordered, when charged with despatches, sealed with only one seal, to go at a walking pace; if with two seals, to trot; and if with three, to gallop. A courier, bearing a despatch with three seals, passing lately through a garrison town, was requested by the commandant to take a despatch to the next townTo this he willingly agreed, but perceiving that it had only one seal, he refused to take charge of it, saying, that the regulations ordered him to walk his horse with such a despatch, and as he had another with which he was ordered to gallop, he could not possibly take both of them.