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Good temper is like a sunny day, it sheds a brightness over every thing; it is the sweetener of toil, and the soother of disquietude.

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Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly; and if you speak, speak accordingly.

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"Why don't you wheel that barrow of coal, Ned? it's not a very hard job, for there's an inclined plane to relieve you?" "Ah," replied Ned, "the plane may be inclined, but hang me if I am!"

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"What is the chief use of bread?" asked an examiner at a school examination. "The chief use of bread," answered a contemplative urchin, apparently aroused by the simplicity of the inquiry, "is to spread butter and molasses upon!"

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Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.

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Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.

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Some persons can be everywhere at home - others can sit musingly at home and be everywhere.

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Those people who turn up their noses at the world, might do well to reflect that it is as good a world as they were ever in, and a much better one than they are likely ever to get into again.

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The bright fire is the eye of the home; it bespeaks cheerfulness, peace, cleanliness, comfort, about it the sweet courtesies of life. - in which there is no parade nor affectation, which manifest themselves in kind words and affectionate looks - cluster naturally and gracefully.

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George I., on a journey to Hanover, stopped at a village in Holland, and while the horses were getting ready, he asked for two or three eggs, which were brought him, and charged two hundred florins. "How is this?" said his majesty, "eggs must be very scarce in the place." "Pardon me," said the host, "eggs are plenty enough, but kings are scarce." The king smiled and ordered the money to be paid.

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"Why is it, dear, that whenever we send for a pound of tea or coffee, the grocer always sends it an ounce short?" "Oh, my dear, it's only a, peculiar weigh he has I"

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The good are better made by ill, As odors crushed are sweeter still.

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A party, taking supper at a country tavern, found the poultry rather tough. One of the guests, after exercising his ingenuity to no effect in trying to dissect an old fowl, turned to the waiter and asked, "Have you such a thing as a powder flask?" "No, sir, we have not, do you want one?" "Why, yes, I think the shortest way would be to blow this fellow up!"

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A gentleman, on being asked what he had for dinner, replied, "A lean wife roasted, and the ruin of man for sauce."What did his dinner consist of? Of course you give it up, and here's the answer - a spare rib and apple-sauce.

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There is a mistake, tho' the saying is old,

To hear a man tell you he has a bad cold;

We must drop the saying, though long it has stood,

For I never heard of a cold that was good.

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Neither let prosperity put out the eyes of circumspection, nor abundance cut off the hands of frugality; he that too much indulges in the superfluities of life, shall live to lament the want of its necessaries.

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A Scotch minister was once ordered "beef tea" by his physician. The next day the patient complained that it had made him sick. "Why, minister," said the doctor, "I'll try the tea mysel'." So, putting some in a skillet, he warmed it, tasted it, and told the minister it was excellent. "Man," says the minister, "is that the way ye sup it?" "What ither way should it be suppit? It's excellent, I say, minister." "It may be gude that way, doctor, but try it wi' the cream and sugar, man I try it wi' that, and then see hoo ye like it."

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"Let us endeavor that our life, though it be not of any great extent and length, yet may be of much weight and worth. Let us measure it by work, and not by time."

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A fastidious taste is like a squeamish appetite; the one has its origin in some diseases of the mind, as the other has in some ailment of the stomach.

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Duke de Alba once replied to the king, who asked him whether he had seen the eclipse of the sun, that he had so much business to do upon earth, that he had no time to look up to heaven,

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"Now, gentlemen," said a nobleman to his guests as the ladies left the room, "let us understand each other - are we to drink like men or like brutes?" The guests, somewhat indignant, exclaimed, "like men, of course." "Then," replied he, "we are going to get jolly drunk, for brutes never drink more than they want."

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"What is the reason your wife and you always disagree?" asked one Irishman of another. "Because we are both of one mind. She wants to be master, and so do I."

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Where is the hoe, Sambo?" "Wid de rake, massa." "Well, where is the rake?" "Why, wid de hoe." "Well, well, where are they both?" "Why, bote togedder, massa; you 'pears to be berry 'ticular dis mornin'."

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A person asking Diogenes what was the best din-ner-hour, he answered. "Any hour." "Nay," said the man, "any hour will not suit rich and poor too." "But it will, though," retorted the philosopher; "a rich man can dine any hour, that he likes; but a poor man any hour that he can."

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A laundress, who was employed in the family of a governor, said to him with a sigh. "Only think, your excellency, how small a sum of money would make me happy." "How little, madam?" said the governor. "Oh! dear sir, twenty pounds would make me perfectly happy." "Then I will send it to you to-morrow; upon the understanding that that amount will make your happiness perfect." "I thank you, and assure you that it will," she said, and took her departure. She was no sooner outside the door than she thought she might as well have asked and received forty; so she stepped back, saying, "please make it forty." "Ah! I am released," said the governor, "you have proved that the twenty would not make you happy; nor would any other sum."