This section is from the "Studio Light Incorporating The Aristo Eagle - The Artura Bulletin 1912" book, by Aristo Motto. Also see Amazon: Studio Light Incorporating The Aristo Eagle - The Artura Bulletin 1912.
The other evenin' sum mis-kreeant (that's what the papper kalled him) swiped the Boss's benzine wagon for a joy ride an' busted a wheale offen it an' lef it oute in the kountry.
When the Boss foun' it oute he diden' say mutch, only re-markin' that it pade to taik sutch things filosopikly. I ast the Boss wot wuz a filosoper an' he says a filosoper is a feller wot don't hete up an' bust hiz boiler over things az kant B helped.
My Pa he aint no filosoper B kaus he heeted up when ma tride 2 open a tomatter kan with hiz razzor.
Las' weke me an' the Boss we went to a Klam baik. The Klams wuzzent baiked at all, they wuz steemed. I ast the Boss why wuz that an' he says you kan do most annything 2 a Klam withoute its resentin' it.
The Boss says beein' a Klam has sum advantagz, but you don't see manny Klams rated in Dunn or Bradstreet's.
The Boss says Klams may hav' branes but they are not visibul to the knaked i, hentz the sayin' "don't be a Klam."
We had a big fine lookin' feller kum to work for us a while ago, but he kuddent seem to get aroun' on time, an' he never did get nothin' dun, an' so he re-zined by rekwest.
The Boss says he wuz a fine lookin' strukture but they 4 got to put the stele work in.
The Boss says there's lots ov fellers konstrukited like World's Fare buildins, gorjous to look at, but weke when it koms 2 mor'n won seezon of yousefulness, an' that there's manny a woman with a adonis husban' a keepin' boarders.
Me an' the Boss we wuz down 2 the stok hous' the other day an' he wuz orderin' a slather ov stuff, when a nother fottygraffer koms in an' asta him wuz he byin oute the plais.
An' the Boss says - nope, that he wuz jus' orderin' ahed for the Krismus rush while he had time. An' the other fottygraffer asts him diden' he no it wuz a prese-dentul yere an' that there wuzzent goin' 2 be mutch bizness.
The Boss asts him did he no ov annybody that had los' his job yet B kaus of the komin' election - an' he sed "nope," an' the Boss asts him wuzzent he an' his fambly goin' to ete, an' ware does, and bern kole, an' go 2 the pitcher shows, an' hav' a Krismus tree jus' as uzual, an' he says "yep."
An' the Boss asts him diden' the grocer, an' the clothin' man, an' the kole man, an' the pitcher show man hav' to liv' jus' the saim as he did, an wuz they awl goin' 2 lay down an' quit B kaus they had 2 'xercise their rite of franchize an' saive the kountry akkordin' to their lites, an' wuz-zent they goin' 2 spend the mun-ney they took in jus' the saim as they allways had, an' if he dident go in2 a trantz wuzzent he goin' 2 get hiz shaire?
From An Artura Iris Print By Helmar Lerski Milwaukee, Wis.
The Boss says presedenshul off yeres exists only in the minds of the born tired fellers who are seekin' a Xcuse for taikin' it eezy.
I no that when our studio is so blaim bizzy that I don' get no time to ete that I stan' a better chanct of gettin' a raze than when it aint, an' that the Boss spends the munny the pee-pul spend with him, an' it seams 2 me that if foaks jus' kepe on a goin' the sam' as uzual, lettin' up jus long enuff to vote, an' then gettin' bak on the job, the off yere buggyboo wood dye ov lonesumness.