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The more quietly and peaceably we get on, the better - the better for ourselves, the better for the neighbors. In nine cases out of ten, the wisest course is, if a man cheat you, to quit dealing with him; if he be abusive, quit his company; if he slanders you, take care to live so that nobody will believe him.

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The Rev. Dr. M - was reputed for the suavity of his manners and his especial politeness toward the fair sex Handing a dish of honey to a lady, at a party at his house, he said in his wonted manner, "Do take a little honey, Miss -; 'tis so sweet, so like yourself." A Mr. Muddle, handing the butter dish to the host, exclaimed, "Do take a little butter, doctor; 'tis so like yourself."

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But consider, and forget not thine own weakness; so shalt thou pardon the failings of others.

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A glutton fell sick, and sent for a doctor. "I have lost my appetite," said he, in great alarm. "It's not of the slightest consequence," replied the doctor; "you'll be sure to die if you recover it."

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"Why do you not hold up your head as I do V' inquired an aristocratic lawyer of a laboring far* mer. "Squire," replied the farmer, "look at that field of grain. All the valuable heads hang down, like mine, while those that have nothing in them stand upright, like yours!"

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A gentleman, finding some swine amongst his vines, said to his servant: "He to whom they belong is a fool." One of his servants, who recognized these animals, said to him: "Sir, they are yours." "Well," rejoined the gentleman, "as I have said it, I shall not contradict myself."

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If youth knew what age would crave, it would both get and save.

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"I advise you," says Johnson, "and I advise you with great earnestness, to do nothing that may hurt you, and to reject nothing that may do you good. To preserve health is a moral and religious duty, for health is the basis of all social virtue; we can be useful no longer than when we are well."

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Envy not the happiness in any man, for thou knowest not his secret griefs.

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A gentleman being asked to give a definition of nonsense, replied, in a Thompsonian style - "Sir, it is nonsense to bolt a door with a boiled carrot."

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Step among your neighbors, reader, and see whether those among them who have got along smoothly, accumulated property, and gained a good name, have not been men who bent themselves to one single branch of business. It must be so. Go out in the spring, when the sun is far distant, and you can scarcely feel the influence of its beams, scattered as they are over the wide face of creation; but collect those beams to a focus, and they kindle up a flame in an instant. So the man that squanders his talents and his strength on many things, will fail to make an impression with either: but let him draw them to a point - let him strike at a single object, and it will yield before Mm.

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"Is a man and his wife one?" asked the wife of a man in a state of stupefaction, as she was holding his aching head in both hands. "Yes, I suppose so," was the reply. "Well, then," said she, "I came home very drunk last night, and I ought to be ashamed of myself."

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An old gentlewoman who lived almost entirely on soups, told us it was a long time before she could get them made uniformly good - till she made the following rule - "if the soup was good, she let the cook have the remainder of it - if it was not she gave it to her lap-dog;" but as soon as this resolution was known, poor little Bow-Wow seldom got the sweet treat after.

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A lady was engaged in domestic affairs, and the servant, who was a Catholic, when the door bell was rung, was requested by her mistress to say that she was not at home. "Yes, ma'am," said the servant; and after she had done as she was bid, she returned to her mistress and inquired, "When I go to the praste, shall I confess that as my lie, ma'am, or shall I say it was yours."

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A miserly old lady, during the war, kept an inn. One day a famished soldier called, and asked for something to eat. Some beef bones, that had been pretty well picked, were set before him. After finishing his dinner, a little son of the landlady, noticing that the soldier found it very difficult to make out much of a dinner, put some money in his hand as he stepped out of the door. "How much was it worth, mother, to pick those bones?" asked the boy. "A shilling," was the reply, the old lady expecting to receive the money. "I thought so, mother," replied the boy, "so I gave the soldier a shilling for doing it, and sent him away."

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At breakfast one morning at an inn, a foreigner made quick despatch with' the eggs. Thrusting a spoon into the middle, he drew out the yolk, devoured it, and passed on to the next. When he had swallowed the seventh, an old farmer, who had already been prejudiced against monsieur by his mustaches, could brook the extravagance no longer, and speaking up, said, "Why, sir, you leave all the white! How is the landlord to afford a breakfast at that rate?" "Vy," replied the foreigner, "you wouldn't have me eat de vite? De yolk is de chicken; de vite de fedders. Vould you have me make von bolster of myself?" The farmer had never viewed the matter in that light before.

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The following advertisement lately appeared in a Jersey print: "To be sold, by private contract, a beautiful rooster monkey, a parrot, two poodles, and a tortoise-shell cat, the property of a lady just mar-ried, who has no further use for them.

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A class was reciting a lesson in metaphysics - the chapter on motives operating on the human will - when a mackerel vender went by shouting, "Mackerel, fine fresh mackerel 1" Suddenly, disturbed by the noise, the master inquired of the class what motive the man had for making such a noise. No answer being given, he said they must be deaf as haddocks, and flat as flounders, not to perceive that it was a sell-fish motive.