A tourist stopping at a hotel saw on the bill of fare, "Fried Water Chicken." Desiring to know what this meant, he ordered a dish, and finding it excellent, recommended it to the rest of his party, ladies and all. They liked the dish wonderfully, and became frog-eaters without knowing it.

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We are but farmers of ourselves; yet may, If we can stock ourselves and thrive, display Much good treasure for the great rent day.

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"That was a severe coughing fit," said the sexton to the undertaker, while they were taking a glass together. "Oh, 'tis nothing but a little ale which went the wrong way." "Ah, ha! that's just like you," replied the sexton, "you always lay the coffin on the bier!"

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Do nothing in a passion; why wilt thou put to sea in the violence of a storm?

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Philip, king of Macedon, having drank too much wine, happened to determine a cause unjustly to the prejudice of a poor widow, who, when she heard his decree, boldly cried out, "I appeal to Philip sober." The king, struck with the peculiarity of the event, recovered his senses, heard the cause afresh, and, finding his mistake, ordered her to be paid out of his own purse, double the sum she was to have lost. This is an example worthy of imitation.

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"Papa, I've been seeing cook make bread; and can you tell me why dough resembles the sun?" "The sun, Freddy?"' "Yes, Pa." "No, I cannot." Freddy, with great glee, "Because, when it rises it's lights

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"It seems," said one dandy to another, at a party, "that they give no supper to night." To which the other coolly replied, "Then I stop my expenses," and coolly took off his new gloves!

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A Squire had a friend to visit him on business, and was very much annoyed when his wife came to ask him what he wanted for dinner. "Go away! let us alone;" impatiently said the squire. Business detained his friend till dinner time, and the squire urged him to remain. To the surprise of both, they 6aw nothing: but a huge bowl of salad, which the good wife began quietly to serve up. "My dear," said the squire, "where are the meats?" "You didn't order any," coolly answered the housewife. "I asked what you would have, and you said, 'Lettuce alone I' Here it is." The friend burst into a laugh, and the squire, after looking lurid for a moment, joined him. "Wife, I give it up. Here is the money you wanted for that carpet which I denied you. Now let's have peace, and some dinner." The good woman pocketed the money, rang the bell, and a sumptuous repast was brought in.

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An industrious peasant in Picardy, being observed to purchase weekly five loaves, was asked what occasion he could possibly have for so much bread. "One," replied the honest fellow, "is for myself; one I give away; one I return, and the other two I lend." "How do you make that out?" "Wiry," returned the peasant, "the one which I take myself is for my own use; the second, which I give away, is for my mother in law; the loaf I return, is for my father; and the other two, which I lend, are those with which I keep my two children, in hopes that they will one day return them to me."

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A vain hope flattereth the heart of a fool; but he that is wise pursueth it not.

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This instant is thine, the next, is in the womb of futurity, and thou knowest not what it may bring forth.

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Idleness is the parent of want and of pain: but the labor of virtue bringeth forth pleasure.

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Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are our duty.

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Murmur not therefore at the dispensation of God, but correct thine own heart; neither say within thyself, if I had wealth, or power, or leisure, I should be happy; for know, they all of them bring their several possessors their peculiar inconveniences.

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A Frenchman had heard the phrase, "I've got other fish to fry," uttered by a person who was in a hurry and did not wish to be detained. He determined to remember the phrase and its application. One day a friend invited him to go and walk; and, being otherwise engaged, he thought of the above expression, and gave it thus - "Excuse me to-day, sare, I must go and fry some fish!"

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A cook, famed for her frequent failures, in attempting hard words, being about to purchase a saucepan, asked for one lined with emanuel, as she preferred it for cooking.

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"Master at home?" " No, sir, he's out." "Mistress at home?" "No sir, she's out." " Then as I'm dripping wet, I'll step in and sit by the fire." "That's out too, sir!"

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An old gentleman who had never before seen finger glasses, and who felt called upon to take every thing set before him, drank off the contents of his vessel, when the butler put down another; but the laird turned to him saying, "Na, na, John, I'm for na mair cauld water!"

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Why does the cook make more noise than the bell? Because one makes a din, but the other a dinner!

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Why should not a child's fancy in the way of food - we refer to its intense dislike of certain things - be regarded, as well as the repugnance of an adult? We consider it a great piece of cruelty to force a child to eat things that are repulsive to it, because somebody once wrote a wise saw to the effect, "that children should eat whatever is set before them." We have often seen the poor little victims shudder and choke at the sight of a bit of fat meat, or a little scum of cream on boiled milk, toothsome enough to those who like them, but in their case a purgatorial infliction. Whenever there is this decided antipathy nature should be respected, even in the person of the smallest child; and he who would act otherwise is himself smaller than the child over whom he would so unjustifiably tyrannize.

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A witty fellow slipped down on an icy pavement. While sitting, he muttered, "I have no desire to see the town burnt, but I sincerely wish the streets were laid in ashes."