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"It is profitable," says Seneca, "to set some keeper over one's self - to have somebody in our eye whom we may suppose to be present and privy to our very thoughts; to do every thing we do as if somebody looked on, and were an eye-witness and spectator of all we did."

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"Sally, what time do you folks dine?" "As soon as you goes away, sir," them's misuses' orders."

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"Man that begins the world late can hardly grow a very rich man; as bees that swarm late get no great store of honey."

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"Have you dined?" said a lounger to his friend. "I have, upon my honor," replied he. "Then," rejoined the first, "if you have dined upon your honor, you must have made but a scanty meal.

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"Pray, sir, do you sell pies?" said a gentleman, as he strolled into a pastry cook's shop. "Oh yes, sir," replied the pastry cook, "pies of all sorts." "Why, then," said the gentleman, "let me have a mag-pie." " That is the only sort of pie in which I do not deal," replied the pastry cook; "but you will find plenty of them as you go along, for birds of a feather will flock together, they say."

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"William," said a teacher to one of his pupils, "can you tell me why the sun rises in the east?" "Don't know, sir," replied William, " 'cept it be that east makes every thing rise."

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"To live much in a little time is, in a manner, as good as if the very time past were lived over again."

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"The candles you sold me last were very bad," said Suett, to a tallow-chandler. "Indeed, sir, I am sorry for that." "Yes, sir, do you know that they burnt to the middle, and would then burn no longer." "You surprise me; what, sir, did they go out?" "No, sir, no; they burnt shorter."

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"The fire is going out, Miss Filkins." "I know it, Mr. Green; and if you would act wisely, you would follow its example." It is unnecessary to add, that Green never came to see that young lady again.

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"When thou seest the naked wanderer of the street, shivering with cold, and destitute of habitation, let bounty open thine heart, let the wings of charity shelter him from death, and thine own soul may live."

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"Papa, I planted some potatoes in our garden," said one of the smart lads of this generation, "and what do you think came up?" "Why, potatoes, of course." "No, indeed, there came up a drove of hogs and eat them all!"

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A good housewife should not be a person of one idea, but should be familiar with the flower garden as well as the flour barrel; and though her lesson should be to lessen expense, the odor of a fine rose should not be less valuable than the order of her household. She will prefer a yard of shrubbery to a yard of satin. If her husband is a skilful sower of grain, she is equally skilful as a sewer of garments. He keeps his hoes bright by use - she keeps the hose of the family in order.

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A prudent wife is a treasure, and an active one is worth her weight in gold.

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Somebody says, "A wife should be like roasted lamb - tender, and nicely dressed." An impertinent fellow adds - and "without sauce!"

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The Bishop of Oxford, having sent round to the church wardens in his diocese a circular of inquiries, among which was - "Does your officiating clergyman preach the gospel, and is his conversation and carriage consistent therewith?" The church wardens of Wallingford replied: - "He preaches the gospel, but does not keep a carriage!"

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Be always more ready to forgive than to return an injury.

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Memory is not so brilliant as hope, but it is more beautiful, and a thousand times as true.

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Skim and simmer very gently for an hour and a quarter. Peel two pounds of mealy potatoes (all the same size), wash them, and place them on the mutton. Simmer half an hour longer, and serve on a very hot dish.

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The fool is not always unfortunate, nor the wise man always successful; yet never had a fool a thorough enjoyment, never was a wise man wholly unhappy.

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A lady who made pretensions to refined feelings, went to her butcher to remonstrate with him on his cruel practices. "How," said she, "can you be so barbarous as to put innocent little lambs to death?" "Why not, madam?" said the butcher, "you wouldn't eat 'em alive, would you?"

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Foote, dining at the house of Mrs. Thrale, found nothing to his liking, and sat in expectation of something better. A neck of mutton being the last thine, he refused it, as he had the other dishes. As the servant was taking it away, however, understanding that there was nothing more, Foote called out to him, "Hello, John! bring that back again - I find it's neck or nothing!"

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Warburton, in his account of his voyage up the Nile, gives an amusing instance of a singular opinion of the proper qualities of meat entertained by the sailors. He says - " On arriving at Kench we gave the crew a feast, consisting of an old ram, preferred by them to young mutton because it stood more chewing!"

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A female servant, sweeping out a bachelor's room, found a ten cent piece on the carpet, which she carried to the owner. "You may keep it for your honesty," said he, smiling, and chuckling her under the chin. A short time after he missed his gold pencil-case, and inquired of the girl if she had seen it. "Yes, sir," was the reply. "And what did you do with it?" "Kept it for my honesty, sir!"

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If you would relish your food, labor for it. If you would enjoy your raiment, pay for it before you wear it. If you would sleep soundly, take a clear conscience to bed with you.

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A gentleman who greatly disliked the custom of giving fees to servants, provided himself with some farthings, and, on leaving the next party he attended, presented one to the footman as he stood at the door. "I beg your pardon, sir," said Johnny, "but you have made a mistake." "Oh, no," said the gentleman, "I never give less!"