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Dr. Marsh says, the best cure for the hysterics is to discharge the servant girl. In his opinion there is nothing like work to keep the nervous system from becoming: unstrung. Some women think they want a physician, when they need a scrubbing-brush.

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A traveller was lately boasting of the luxury of arriving at night after a hard day's journey, to partake of the enjoyment of a well-cut ham, and the left leg of a goose. "Pray, sir, what is the peculiar luxury of a left leg?" "Sir, to conceive its luxury, you must find that it is the only leg that is left!"

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A green one, who had a great desire to possess a goose alive, set off to a neighboring town, resolved to buy one, and fatten it for himself. Having made a bargain, he was returning home when he was met by a waggish friend, to whom he showed his purchase. "Why," said his friend to him, on seeing the goose. "They've given you no giblets with him; you have been cheated." The smiling countenance of the Irishman was turned to dismay; he reflected for a moment, then turned back, and actually walked a distance of two miles, to ask the market woman for the giblets of the live goose.

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An Irish pedlar asked an itinerant poulterer the price of a pair of fowls. "Six shillings, sir." " In my country, my darling, you might buy them for sixpence a-pace." "Why don't you remain in your own dear country, then?" " 'Case we have no six-pences, my jewel," said Pat.

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A game-keeper, writing a letter to a friend, determined to send him some rabbits. "Tell me," said he to a companion, "how many b's there are in rabbits?" "That depends upon circumstances," replied the rustic oracle; "how many rabbits are you sending?" "Four." "Then eight b's of course, two for each rabbit." The keeper therefore wrote - " I have the pleasure of sending you some rabbbbbbbbits!"

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We firmly believe that many a case of chronic ugliness might be cured through the means of healthy exercise. Get up, then, and shake off your sloth; send that dead black blood through the channels of your body; let it come up to your sallow cheeks in red waves. Come to the resolution that you give your blood quicker circulation. Your hearts will be the sooner purified, and made meet for the joys, and strong for the trials of life.

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A young woman meeting her former fellow-servant, was asked how she liked her place. "Very well." "Then you have nothing to complain of?" " Nothing; only master and missis talk such very bad grammar."

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A miser caught a fly, put it into the sugar basin, and set a plate over it. "What is that for?" said a bystander. "Hush!" whispered the miser, "if the fly escapes, I shall know that some one has been at my sugar!"

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Resolve to perform what you ought: perform without fail what you resolve.

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There is no objection to broils in a house, so they be confined to the kitchen.

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Even a pig upon a spit has one consolation; things are sure to take a turn.

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When Dr. Johnson was asked why he was not invited out to dine as Garrick was, he answered, as if it was a triumph to him, "Because great lords and ladies don't like to have their mouths stopped I"

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At a venison feast Sir Joshua Reynolds addressed his conversation to one of the company who sat near him, but to his great surprise, could not get a single word in answer; until, at length, his silent neighbor turned to him and said, "Sir Joshua, whenever you are at a venison feast, I advise you not to speak during dinner-time. Through that last question of yours, I have unfortunately swallowed a piece of fine fat, without tasting the flavor!"

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An old gentleman being asked what he liked for dinner replied: "A keen appetite, good company, something to eat, and a clean napkin.11

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Old Mrs. Darnley is a pattern of household economy. She says she has made a pair of socks last fifteen years, by merely knitting new feet to them every winter, and new legs every other winter.

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By the use of eye-glasses, you may see as much as is to be seen; but by the use of another kind of glass you may see twice as much.

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A noble Lord asked a Clergyman once, at the bottom of his table, why the goose was always placed near to the parson? "Really, my lord," said the clergyman, "I can give no reason for it; but your question is so odd, that I shall never see a goose in future without thinking of your lordship!"

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If it be difficult to rule thine anger, it is wise to prevent it. Avoid, therefore, all occasions of falling into wrath, or guard thyself against them whenever they occur.

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It is considered very creditable to men to have hearts of oak, but not half so creditable to have wooden heads.

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Dr. Franklin, when in England, used pleasantly to repeat an observation of his negro servant, when the Doctor was making the tour of Derbyshire, Lancashire, etc. "Every ting, Massa, work in dis country; water work, wind work, fire work, smoke work, dog work, man work, bullock work, horse work, ass work, every ting work here but de hog; he eat, he drink, he sleep, he do noting all day, he walk about like gentleman!"

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You that are rich have of all people the least cause to be idle; God gives you more than others; and is there any reason then that you should do less for God than others, and make your whole lives a long vacation?"

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As lately a sage on a fine ham was repasting (Though for breakfast too savory I opine), He exclaimed to a friend, who sat silent and fasting, And laugh'd, for he thought him mistaken; "Why, what is it else?" the sage quickly replied,

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A fastidious boarder, at a cheap establishment in New York, lately appeared at the table, when a rather unsavory ham presented itself for discussion. It looked very well, but the boarder said to his host, "How horrible it smells!" "Well," replied the other, "what o' that? Take hold, man - you come to the table to eat your victuals, not to smell 'em!"