---

It is said by those who know, that Lamb on Roast Pig is relished by every one.

---

Whenever our neighbor's house is on fire, it cannot be amiss for the engines to play a little on our own. Better to be despised for too anxious apprehension, than ruined by too confident security.

---

The three sweet fireside sounds - The song of the tea-kettle; the chirping of the cricket; and the purring of the cat.

---

Of much speaking cometh repentance, but in silence is safety.

---

Sir Thomas Overbury says that the man who has not any thing to boast of but his illustrious ancestors, is like a potato - the only good belonging to him is under ground.

---

A field-preacher, who had been a printer, observed "that a youth might be compared to a comma, manhood to a semicolon, old age to a colon, to which death puts a period."

---

One tear of a woman is oftentimes more formidable than the "three tiers" of a ship of the line.

---

Hood states that the phrase "republic of letters" was hit upon to insinuate that, taking the whole lot of authors together, they had not a sovereign amongst them.

---

The leading duties of life are - 1. To worship God. 2. To acquire wisdom. 3. To maintain health. 4. To cherish love. 5. To gain wealth. 6. To do good.

---

M. DeBalzac was lying awake in bed, when he saw a man enter his room cautiously, and attempt to pick the lock of his writing desk. The rogue was not a little disconcerted at hearing a loud laugh from the occupant of the apartment, whom he supposed asleep. "Why do you laugh?" asked the thief. "I am laughing, my good fellow," said M. DeBalzac, "to think what pains you are taking, and what risk you run, in hope of finding money by night in a desk where the lawful owner can never find any by day!" The thief "evacuated Flanders" at once.

---

A gentleman met a half-witted lad in the road, and placing in his hands a sixpence and a penny, asked him which of the two he would choose. The lad replied that "he wouldn't be greedy, he'd keep the littlest!"

---

When in company at college, a general question arose among the young men, "What were their fathers?" When it was Home Tooke's turn to answer, he said his was "a Turkey merchant." He was a poulterer in Clare-Market.

---

Two gardeners, who were neighbors, had their crops of early peas killed by the frost. One of them came to condole with the other. "Ah!" cried he, "how unfortunate! Do you know, neighbor, I've done nothing but fret ever since. But, bless me! you seem to have a fine crop coming up; what sort are they?" "Why, those are what I sowed immediately after my loss." "What! coming up already?" "Yes," replied the other, "while you were fretting, I was working!"

---

P. M. and A. M. - "I say, Jim," inquired a young urchin of his companion, but a few years older than himself, "what does P. M. mean after them figures on that ere Railway bill?" Jim responds, conscious of his own wisdom, "Penny-a-mile, to be sure!" "Well, and A. M.?" "Oh, that means - that means," said Jim, hesitating, "that means an apen'y a mile!"

---

A traveller once related, with all seriousness, to a company of persons, that he had passed through the five divisions of the earth; and that, among other curiosities, he had met with one of which no writer had made mention. This, according to his account, was a huge cabbage, which had grown so broad and high, that fifty armed riders might have stationed themselves under a single leaf and performed their manoeuvres. Some one who heard him, deeming this exaggeration not worth serious refutation, said, with assumed seriousness, that he too had been abroad as far as Japan, where, to his astonishment, he saw more than three hundred coppersmiths at work making a single kettle; and within the same, were five hundred women polishing it. " Nonsense!" exclaimed the traveller, "what possible use could they have for so large a kettle?" "Use! why, to boil the cabbage which you saw 1"

---

A bachelor friend of ours, who went for a week to a watering-place, left a boarding-house, in which there was a number of old maids, on account of "the miserable fair" set before him at the table I

---

An Irish lawyer of the Temple, having occasion to go to dinner, left these directions written, and put them in the key-hole of his chamber door: "I have gone to the Elephant and Castle, where you shall find me. If you can't read this note, carry it down to the stationer's and he will read it for you."

---

Quin had a gardener who was very slow. "Thomas," said he, "did you ever see a snail?" "Certainly." "Then," rejoined the wit, "you must have met him, for you could never overtake him!"

---

The clothes do much upon the wit, as weather Does upon the brain; and then, sir, comes your proverb, The tailor makes the man.

---

An old physician was declaiming upon the propensity which a majority of people display for eating unripe fruit and vegetables. Said he, "There is not a vegetable growing in our garden that is not best when arrived at maturity, and most of them are positively injurious unless fully ripe." "I know one thing that ain't so good when it's ripe as 'tis green," interrupted a little boy, in a very confident but modest manner. "What's that?" sharply said the physician, vexed at having his principle disputed by a mere boy. "A cucum~ her!" responded the lad. The doctor winked his eyes, but said nothing.

---

An arch boy being at a table where there was a piping hot apple pie, putting a bit into his mouth, burnt it so that the tears ran clown his cheeks. A gentleman that sat by asked him why he wept. "Only," said he, "because it has just come to my remembrance that my poor grandmother died this day twelvemonth. "Phoo," said the other, "is that all?" So, whipping a large piece into his mouth, he quickly sympathized with the boy, who, seeing his eyes brim full, asked him, with a malicious sneer, why he wept? "Plague on you," said he, " because you were not hanged, you young dog, the same day your grandmother died 1"