Author of "How to be Happy Though Married," etc., etc.

The Woman who Marries a Rake - How a Tactful Wife may Reform a Man - The Common Mistake of "Nagging" - Famous Men who Admitted that they Owed Everything to their Wives Curing a Selfish Husband

An Irish magistrate once asked a prisoner before him, "Are you married or single?" "Single, please, your honour."

"Oh, then," answered the magistrate, "it is a good thing for your wife."

It is a good thing for any woman who has escaped marrying a man of a bad, or even an indifferent, character. A woman does not always think this. She says that she rather likes a man to be a little bit of a rake, and marries in a sort of missionary spirit, hoping to change him from the error of his ways. Alas! the change is seldom effected, especially if the man be more than thirty years of age.

But even when a girl is wise enough to wish for a good character in one who is to be the weal or woe of her home, she may be deceived by ignorance of life or want of opportunities for discovering his true character. A good matrimonial bargain is even more difficult to get than a bargain at the sales in monster shops in which some women believe so much. What should a woman do who has obtained a bad matrimonial bargain? She should do as old Mother Hubbard did when she found the cupboard empty - "accept the inevitable with calm steadfastness." It may. even be politic to dissemble a little, and pretend to be satisfied with it.

Something can almost always be done to at least improve a bad husband, and she is a true heroine who, instead of only helplessly regretting her marriage, does that something. Even if it is no other use, the attempt of a wife to reclaim a husband prevents the grossness of his nature from dragging her down.

A good wife reverences her husband as long as she possibly can, and far longer than anyone else. Knowing that the best of men are only men at best, she does not expect too much, and makes allowances for shortcomings. Occasionally she tells him that, as husbands go, he is not a bad one. This preserves his self-respect, and makes him feel that he has a character to lose. It was by this, or by a similar tender management of his weaknesses, that the wife of Sir James Mackintosh gradually corrected the most pernicious of them. Here is what he says himself: "She gently reclaimed me from dissipation; she propped my weak and irresolute nature; she urged my indolence to all exertions that have been useful or creditable to me; and she was perpetually at hand to admonish my heedlessness and improvidence." Like many another of us, Mackintosh knew that "this is well to have a dame indoors that trims us up."

The Nagging Wife

Bismarck was another example of a man being reclaimed from youthful wildness by the influence of his wife. "She it is," he used to say, "who has made me what I am."

There is one way in which a wife will never reclaim a bad-tempered, idle, dissipated husband, and that is by nagging at him. This puts a man's back up, and makes him harder and more obstinate. Husband-nagging is as cruel and useless as wife -beating. Nagging means not merely finding fault, which is sometimes necessary, but worrying the fault as a cat does a mouse.

Nor are men cried out of bad habits. Tears irritate a heartless man, and a man who has a heart dislikes a woman who trades on his gentleness. Five minutes of rage, even though a simulated one, may do more to reclaim a man than a whole year of nagging and weeping. This is a whip, however, only for the back of a fool and of a coward. A reasonable, manly man is much more impressed when temper is restrained and a remonstrance is made, or even a lecture given with tact and sympathy. He soon discovers whether his wife desires to make the most of him, or the most out of him.

The unselfishness of a wife, however, should be strong and wise, or else it will increase rather than diminish the self-pleasing conduct of her husband. One knows husbands who have lost almost all self-help because their wives have helped them too much. Better the American style of wife, who exacts attention and gives opportunities to chivalry. An Englishman asked an American if this queenly rule did his countrywomen good. The American replied, "Well, looking at it from the point of view of their immortal souls, I am not so sure, but it is doing the American men a lot of good."

Caesar's Wife

The principle that what is good for a gander is good for a goose is a sound one. I know a wife who cured her husband of tippling and staying away from home by means of it. He was fond of money, and grudged every penny that he did not spend upon himself. When, therefore, he indulged in "nips," his wife would order champagne for herself and friends. If he went on excursions or to places of amusement without inviting her to accompany him, she neither nagged nor cried, but started herself with all the children on some expedition. Finding that, in this way, he was always paid in his own coin - or, rather, punished by the loss of it - he amended his ways.

Another strong-minded wife was absent from home for a day or two, and her dissipated husband invited some kindred spirits to spend an evening with him. The conversation turned on the marriage question, when the host boasted, "I am master in my own house; I do not believe in women ruling. I do as I like, and make my wife submit to my rule. I am a regular Julius Caesar in my house." Just then his wife came in, and said, "Gentlemen, you had better go home, and Julius Caesar will just walk right upstairs with me."

If it be asked whether a wife who has vowed to obey her husband should attempt in this and other ways to manage him, we reply that depends upon the character of the husband and of the wife. If a man be weak and easily led, he will be managed by someone, and, if his wife does not lead him right, bad friends and bad passions will lead him wrong.