The Privacy of Letters - The Power of a Woman's Influence - Feed the Husband Well, but Feed Him Suitably - The Housekeeper's Temptation of Extravagance

A husband's letters, opened or unopened, should be sacred to himself. In the days when women were regarded as "goods and chattels" men thought it a part of their matrimonial duty to keep an eye on their wives' correspondence, just as the mistress of a boarding-school does. Relics, rags and tatters of this belief are still to be found, but the average husband never dreams of reading letters addressed to his wife.

One reads in novels and sees in plays the inquisitive wife who goes to her husband's pockets, takes out his letters, and reads them. This mean and dishonourable act is on a par with theft. It is, besides, extremely foolish. "Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise." Folly indeed to destroy the calm of existence by routing out materials for wrath, quarrels, misery, sometimes despair. Many a woman has regretted bitterly the hour when she was guilty of reading (sometimes misreading) letters addressed to her husband.

St. Paul commanded wives to obey their husbands. But this order surely must not be taken to mean humble slavishness. Husband and wife should be partners in the hymeneal firm and should consult each other as to their actions.

Such obedience wrecks the splendid discipline of marriage. The woman's wings will grow, while the man is sinking in a morass of egoism. This is quite unfair. Part of a wife's duty is to see her husband's faults, and most gently and tenderly to correct them. Even Milton admitted this - he, the thrice-married, who kept his wives down with a master's hand.

No wife need sit as a critic on the hearth. She should not try to mould and model her husband to suit her own ideas. Her path is a very narrow one. It lies in a golden mean between candour and cowardice.

A Man's Standard of Honour

Men's standard of honour is popularly supposed to be higher than that of women. Doubtless it sometimes is so. But there are cases when, after marriage, a wife is shocked and revolted by the laxity of her husband's code, perhaps in matters of business, possibly in affairs of every-day life. He thinks nothing of breaking a promise, whereas she has made it a practice never to do so. He may pride himself on some bit of sharp practice which she regards as dishonourable, if not actually dishonest. Should she let it pass? Or, taking her courage in both hands and arming herself with all her gentleness, place before him her view of the matter? It is an effort of moral courage which she makes with trembling heart and shaking hands. Sometimes she has her due reward; more often not. But her very love for him has made it impossible for her to act otherwise, without being self-convicted of cowardice.

A husband reclaimed from the odious vice of drunkenness may owe his return to sweet peace and a wholesome atmosphere of life to the influence of his wife. Salvage of this sort is worth some effort. What that effort costs is known only to those who have made it.

It is an easy thing to spoil a husband by flattery. Hypocrisy is a subtle weapon, but it has two edges, and should be handled warily. Better not handle it at all. Like debt and see rets, it destroys true happiness.

How To Feed The Man

In one of his "Idylls" Tennyson recommends as prudent and proper treatment for a wife that the husband should "dress her beautifully and keep her true." May one be permitted to paraphrase this good counsel and apply it to the wife? Let her, then, "feed him bountifully and keep him true."

Mankind is more physical than spiritual, and inviting food was intended to be one of our pleasures. The man who knows that a good dinner awaits him in his home is much more likely to arrive there punctually and in an agreeable mood than he who expects an ill-cooked meal laid out on a limp, despondent tablecloth, with dull glass, and forks that might be made of pewter to judge from their appearance. Here is nothing to stimulate appetite, and the prospect of it is not calculated to make a man hurry to catch his earliest possible train to the suburbs.

Besides, there is the question of proper nourishment to be considered. It is a more important one than some young wives imagine. They seem to think, sometimes, even the best of them, that it is quite sufficient to give a man what he likes and plenty of it. This is quite good, so far as it goes. But the careful consort will learn in time that the things her husband likes best are sometimes by no means the best for him to have.

Mrs. Carlyle soon found this out, and her chief care in life was to give the dyspeptic man she had married the dishes that were the least likely to aggravate his malady.

There are lions lurking round the path of the inexperienced wife whose husband suffers from one or more of the too numerous forms of indigestion. She must not, for instance, appear to be taking care of him. It must be a secret between herself and her own soul. The average man hates being looked after; . he resents it as an affront. And about food he is often very childlike, though far from bland.

When dining out or lunching in the City, the dyspeptic man takes no account of consequences, but chooses his favourite crab omelette or Welsh rarebit with no better excuse than because he likes it.

"Do I smell haggis?" asked an old gentleman in a back number of "Punch." The servant who is helping him out of his overcoat in the hall replies, "Yes, sir." The old gentleman remarks, "Eh, but I'll be bad the morn!" and looks singularly and inappropriately happy as he utters the dismal prophecy. It never occurs to him not to have any haggis.

Should the wife of such an one give him a warning look across the table, he is excessively annoyed. Why should she spoil his pleasure? It is not she who will suffer for it, and may he not have a little indigestion if he likes? That is his frame of mind.

No! The wife must do what she can to guard her husband from the results of injudicious eating, but he must know nothing of her solicitude. To be sure of the best of food in his home is his best shield against imprudent meals abroad.

The Breakfast Question

The quality of a man's work depends in great measure upon the character of the food he eats. This is why breakfast should be such a carefully thought out and skilfully prepared meal.

It should send him forth to his day's labour well nourished and energised, fortified against the worries that seem to be inseparable from almost every class of work. Breakfast can be a very delightful meal, and every care should be taken to make it so. In winter a cheery fire should be chattering in the grate. In summer a sunny window opening on the garden should be chosen. A few flowers on the table give an air of poetry to the repast. One or more of the many forms of chafing dish should be keeping the viands hot, for man, alas! hates getting up in the morning, and often leaves himself buy five minutes or so for the discussion of a meal that has cost his wife much thought and his cook much care.

It is often a great temptation to a young wife to spend more money than she ought upon the catering. She is so very anxious to give her husband tempting meals and the very best of everything, that she buys expensive things, and seeing him enjoy them, she is encouraged to go on doing so. Her accounts mount up in consequence, and should he upbraid she will be very foolish it she "answers with a smile," like the lady in the good old song.

Domestic Extravagance

It is better wisdom to abstain from costly luxuries as a general rule and keep them for particular occasions. They will be all the more appreciated for their rarity. Those whose incomes are sufficient to place them within their reach for every day get quite as tired of expensive dishes as the less wealthy do of ordinary fare. It is well to remember this, for one then feels less tempted to spend money that cannot really be afforded.

A good dinner after the day's work is over makes home appreciated. The growing scarcity of cooks makes it advisable that young wives - and many who are not exactly young - should acquire the science of cookery themselves. It is splendid to feel independent of domestics, and cookery becomes extremely interesting when the student begins to understand it. studies the chemistry of it, and becomes so expert as to originate dishes.