"A tight pair of light pants, a shirt of which the bosom shone like a bald head, a Rhine-stone collar-button which fastened an immaculate collar to the aforesaid shirt, a black alpaca round-about and an apron that just escaped the floor, and inside of all a human being, and you have our new waiter. With the exception of an embryonic moustache his face was devoid of hair. He had had several years' experience, he aid, as a waiter, and it was with a feeling of pride, to say nothing of relief, that the headwaiter saw him take his place in the centre of the room and await the rush that always occurs at high noon. One by one tables were filled, and finally not a seat there was to be had. The new waiter passed noiselessly from one table to another, taking the multitude of orders with the utmost complacency until he reached the end of his station. 'At last I've got a man that can take care of my customers in a proper manner,' chuckled the proprietor, as he gazed with pardonable admiration on the new man awaiting his turn at the order-lift. His satisfaction was short-lived, however, for all at once the new waiter began giving orders in a voice suggestive to the bellow of a bull, and that, too, in a verna cular that was strangely new to the Bro therhood Restaurant:

A Treasure Of A Waiter 8

'(1) Give me a stack o' whites with a copper on (2) a terrier without shamrocks, (3) some hen's fruit that an't over ripe, (4) a slaughter-house and a paralyzed Mick, (5) a cup of coffee on crutches, (6) two insults to a square meal, (7) one Sheeny destroyer and a soaked bum, (8) a brown-stone front, and (9) return good for evil'.

A cry from the kitchen followed, and the carver ran upstairs saying the chef had fainted. The new waiter was summarily bounced and an old hand sent to get the orders anew, which having done, he transmitted to the kitchen as follows:

'(1) Give me a plate of wheat cakes well browned, (2) corned beef without cabbage for one (3) a plate of fresh fried eggs, (4) steak and a boiled potato, (5) a cup of coffee half milk, (6) two dishes of hash, (7) a plate of roast pork and pickled beets, (8) pork and beans for one, and (9) change this potato for a good one'.

This is what the new waiter meant, but he had had too many days' experience in the shady part of town.*'